Last night, Petr and I went to Alamo Drafthouse to watch Mission Impossible: Final Reckoning. I had reserved the tickets the moment they were released because ever since we saw Part One together, Petr has been looking forward to Part Two. We both saw the tickets as a tentative plan however, because the due date for our baby is June 3rd. I wasn’t sure how sore or achy I’d feel at 38 weeks pregnant, or if the baby would have arrived by now. But here I am: healthy, well, and eagerly waiting for the baby to arrive.

I have long loved going to the Alamo Drafthouse. When I was single, I had the season pass and went a few times each month to watch movies by myself and with friends. I loved sitting in the dark for a couple of hours and being immersed in a new world or story. And I loved the truffle parmesan popcorn that they make there.

I told Petr about how much I loved the popcorn at Alamo Drafthouse on our first date together, and soon, going to the theatre became an activity we often did together. We added on to the tradition, and made it more “us” by going for a long walk to the theatre. We watched Mission Impossible Dead Reckoning Part One in NYC in 2023. It was the day just after I had moved in with Petr. I barely remember the details of that particular date night, but we probably walked to the theatre in Financial District from Bushwick and I probably ordered a big bowl of the truffle parmesan popcorn with a little butter.

When we moved to San Francisco last year and saw that there was an Alamo Drafthouse a 1.5-hour walk away from our apartment, we continued with our tradition here too.

Being 38 weeks pregnant this time around, we took an Uber half way to a beer garden to shorten the walk.

Earlier in the day, I was catching up with my friend on a call and we had come on to the topic of sacrifice. He mentioned how many sacrifices Petr and I have had to make (and will continue to make) with the baby on the way. I disagreed, saying I didn’t feel like I was sacrificing much. 

“What about eating good food?” he asked, referring to my gestational diabetes. I have been following a low-carb, low-sugar diet since my diagnosis, which meant I couldn’t indulge in some of the foods I normally might, like ice cream or scones.

“I don’t see that as a sacrifice,” I replied. “For me, having a healthy baby is more important than having yummy food, which I can have in a few months anyway.”

We discussed more but concluded the topic by agreeing to disagree. Perhaps we had different definitions of sacrifice.

I was curious what Petr had to say on the matter, so I recapped our conversation to him at the beer garden.

“I don’t see it as a sacrifice either,” Petr said. He mentioned that to him, sacrifice would need to be something very big, like us choosing to live in a place which we hate because it has a good school system for our children and we wanted them to have a good education.

“I don’t think we would ever do that though. I feel like we would try to find another place to live which has a good school system which we don’t hate,” I said. He agreed.

When I think of “sacrifice,” I suppose the word comes with resentment or a burden, like someone is being forced to act against their will for the sake of someone else. But that isn’t how I see the lifestyle changes I’ve made since I found out I was pregnant.

For me, not being able to walk as much because of my big belly, or not stuffing my face with as much popcorn, or not having a beer at the beer garden with Petr … these are all things that might look different if I were not pregnant, but I don’t see them as sacrifices. They are just part of the path we’ve freely chosen.

We finished up at the beer garden and walked the remainder of the way to the theatre. I felt excited to sit back and watch as the lights turned down after the trailers. Coincidentally, the movie presents many of its own ideas about choice and sacrifice. I don’t think it’s much of a spoiler to say that the characters in the movie often make choices that seem crazy or risky, yet they go for it anyway because there’s “no other way”. In some instances, the characters face decisions where they must sacrifice their life for others. However, these choices aren’t framed as burdens; instead, they feel natural: something they are glad to do to achieve something greater.

In an action-packed movie like Mission Impossible, these choices and sacrifices are plot devices that help raise the stakes. In real life, the biggest choices we make for ourselves don’t mean all the lives of the world are at stake, and it looks more like: Where should I move? Should I keep texting this person? Should we have kids? These aren’t typically life or death decisions, but they can feel heavy.

I believe that for these kind of everyday choices, there is always a balanced option, one that meets the needs of everyone involved. That is, if you have faith that it exists and you take the time look for it. Some of the biggest decisions I’ve made in my life were ones that did not feel big at all because they’ve felt so right and true to who I am.

From the outside, these choices can look like sacrifices, and that’s okay. That just means someone else might choose differently. I think the real trouble comes when I start to feel like something I’m doing is a sacrifice. That would mean I might, deep down, want to be making a different choice, or I’m doing something for the wrong reasons. Perhaps because of expectations or societal pressure, rather than for myself.

One other theme stood out from the movie: the choices we make lead us to this moment, to the person we are right now. The movie had so many throwbacks, and hearing various characters say that all of Ethan Hunt’s actions had led him to this point, I couldn’t help but think the same about myself. Isn’t it a little crazy that every day, every moment, we have the power to choose what we want to do? Although making choices can be scary, it is a privilege to be able to do so. At least, in my better moments, I feel this way.

After the movie, Petr and I took some selfies while we waited for our Uber. Our last movie night as non-parents, at least, we hope so! I’ll miss going to the Alamo Drafthouse (and the popcorn) for a little while, but I’m not too sad, because that would mean we have a baby at home to take care of. Like Ethan Hunt, I’ve chosen my path, and though I don’t know what being a mom or caring for a newborn will be like, I feel as ready as I’ll ever be to face what lies ahead.