Do you ever see someone and immediately you don’t like them?

This happens to me more often than I realized. I have been exploring Buddhist teachings and meditation, and it’s made me more aware of my thoughts, such as yesterday when I felt an immediate dislike for certain individuals several times throughout the day.

One instance occurred at the dog park in Madison Square Park. It was a sunny Fall day and the park’s trees were in peak foliage. Petr and I had just had a lunch nearby and walked over to watch the dogs. We sat on one of the available benches inside to get a better view, even though we do not have a dog ourselves. It was joyful seeing different types of dogs running and playing together. We saw a large corgi, several sausage dogs, a super fluffy Pomeranian that kept following and humping one of the sausage dogs, among others. I loved watching them all.

Then, a lady entered the dog park. She had light blonde hair, sunglasses, and a sky-blue fur coat. She took a seat on the bench next to ours. Now that I think about it, she reminded me of Cruella de Vil. Her dog was a small, grey poodle with curly hair and an eccentric haircut. I immediately took a dislike to her, and by extension, her dog.

As her dog began playing with the others, I noticed my neutral or positive feelings towards all the other dogs, except hers, which I disliked. Then, one dog annoyed or upset her dog, causing it to bark loudly, growl, and show its teeth. This made me dislike them even more.

Every time her dog came near her, she would send it away in a voice that seemed insincere. “Go up there to the little hill, doesn’t that look fun,” she said. I thought to myself, ‘The dog clearly isn’t interested in the hill, and her repeating the suggestion won’t change its mind.’

I noticed how immediately and decisively my brain decided she was different from “us”. I noticed how my mind also easily fixated on the things I didn’t like about her and her dog now that I had decided they were a “them”.

Why did I dislike her so much? Who knows. Perhaps my mind conjured up Cruella de Vil from my childhood days of watching “101 Dalmatians”. In the movie, Cruella is a fashion-obsessed, over-the-top character, ruthless in her pursuit of turning Dalmatian puppies into fur coats. Although it has been decades since I last saw the movie, perhaps Cruella’s character made a more lasting impression on my worldview than I realized.

Or maybe I’ve seen and laughed at too many memes about Karens of the world and bucketed the woman in the dog park with them. But is it fair to form such strong opinions of others based solely on appearances, memes, and movies? While terms like ‘Karen’ are often used jokingly, I wonder if this kind of humor is productive. Does it help us examine our lives and make them more meaningful?

It’s natural to be drawn to some dogs and people more than others. The fluffy Pomeranian’s preference for that one particular sausage dog was evident. But we, as humans, have the capacity to rise above our immediate feelings and thoughts, to be mindful of our actions. We can laugh at the Pomeranian’s behavior because we understand it knows no better.

This journey of understanding the judgmental aspects of my mind, while alarming, is also a humbling reminder of its complexity and potential. The brain is a remarkable instrument, shaped by generations of evolution, capable of both divisive and compassionate thoughts. Beyond the instinctive reactions and categorizations, there’s a kinder, more loving part of my brain. This part becomes more pronounced when I step out of the ‘us versus them’ mindset, choosing instead to engage the part of me that fosters understanding and cooperation.

As I continue to delve deeper into the intricacies of my mind, I am hopeful that my actions will more and more reflect my deepest values and virtues. This growth, I hope, will allow me to make a meaningful contribution to the small world around me.